Trust and Faith

Boy, what can you say about trust and faith other than at times it can be hard.  This past few weeks Tim and I have experienced some disappointments.  We have tried to be strong and to put our faith and trust in God but there were times when I started to struggle.  It is hard to see His plan and when I thought I did it turned out I was wrong.  God obviously knew that this was a struggle for me this past week.

On Thursday I was supposed to miss part of Bible study to be with a friend but that was cancelled so I made it to the whole study.  And what was the lesson for this week?  Trusting God: Genesis 22:1-19.  Sigh.  We talked about the test of faith that Abraham experienced when he was told by God to sacrifice his only son and the faith and trust he had in God to follow his will.  It sure hit my heart to think about how God can test us and really push our limits.  I started to wonder if that is what He is doing with me.

Today I was hit again.  At church I sing in the praise band and it is always a wonderful experience.  There are some days I am up in front singing the songs for others to hear, but there are some days, like today, when I feel like the songs were picked for me to hear.  The sermon lesson today, you wonder. Where Does Faith Come From?  Another lesson on faith.  Pastor Steve discussed how we can have doubts, emotional doubts, in our faith and with God.  That is sure what I was going through.  I couldn't help but feel that the sermon was written for me to hear as well.  To end the service we sang Trust and Obey verses 1 & 5 and we ended with That's What Faith Can Do.  I couldn't make it through the songs.  They touched my heart and spoke to my soul.  God was trying to tell me that He knows I am struggling but that I need to continue to trust Him and have faith in Him.  Things will happen when He is ready.  I had to sit during the last half of the last song because I was crying to much to sing.  I tried hard to stay strong but my emotions got the best of me.  What was even more amazing was the response of my church family.  I am truly blessed.  When I sat down I immediately received a good long hug filled with encouraging words.  When the benediction song ended two other amazing ladies came up to me with tears and words of support and comfort.  Then I was helping move the music equipment two band members gave me the same response with words of prayer and support.  Even though these amazing women didn't know what was going on in my life at the time they were still able to have an empathetic heart and were there for me in my time of need.  Not only was there a supportive response from those at church but I even received a phone call from a friend who wasn't in at the service.  She was guest preaching at a different church this morning but she had heard I was having a rough morning and just called to see how I was doing.

This is not just a church family that I have, it is my FAMILY.  I am honored to have so many wonderful people in my life.  It gives me the strength to continue and to know that God is there for Tim and I during this process.  He might not be physically holding our hands and giving us a hug, but instead He is doing so through all of our amazing friends.  Thank you God for this blessing and this reminder of your great love!

View the amazing song by Kutless at the following address:
https://vimeo.com/21527408

My Ray of 'Sunshine'

This morning I woke up with a heavy heart.  I was very discouraged and started to feel said about the fact that we still do not have a baby to call our own.  Even though it seems like God has laid things out for us so many times for things in life in general, nothing seems to work out the way it seems like they would.  I tried to go to school and celebrate the last day with my students with an open mind but I struggled being positive.  When I got to school today though things changed.  After going to the basement to finally put away my classroom Christmas tree, I came back to my classroom to see a green gift bag on my desk.  Being the last day of school I assumed it was an early delivery from one of my students. I was wrong.  In the bag was another piece of fabric, bright yellow fabric, with a wonderful message about how the yellow was chosen because it was like sunshine and how she used to sing "You are My Sunshine" to her girls when they were young.  It was just what I needed.  Hope.  It was a sign of hope that even though things didn't seem to be working out how I thought they would, someday it will.  The fabric touched my heart and brightened my day.  It was my own personal ray of sunshine.

DOW House

This week Tim and I have learned about a new ministry known as the Doors Open Wide House (DOW House).  This house is opened by a couple with amazingly generous and God filled hearts.  They have opened their home to pregnant young mothers who have no where else to go.  The mothers come and stay at the house, have their baby, and stay until they are able to go out and make it on their own. 

Yesterday Tim and I had the opportunity to volunteer at the DOW house.  We met so many wonderful people and we learned more about the ministry.  Tim also held his first baby ever!  He was a little awkward but he looked good with a baby in his arms. 

We feel so blessed to have learned about such an amazing house and to met such wonderful people.  I hope to be able to volunteer there more often.  It truly is a magical place.

A Day of Joy and Hope

Yesterday was a wonderful day of joy and hope.  The day began with a wonderful teaching moment.  I was leveling one of my lowest students to see what his end of year reading level would be.  He worked very hard and had to read about 5 books before we were able to stop and figure out his level because he made so much growth.  I was so proud of his hard work and he was even more proud of himself.  About 5 minutes later he came up to me with a book and announced, "I can read all the words in this book.  Want to hear?"  What a precious moment.  This boy who does not enjoy reading was so proud of himself and and finally felt the confidence in his own reading ability to voluntarily read another book.  This moment filled my heart with joy.

Later in the day I received a wonderful surprise from my husband.  At lunch I was delivered a beautiful bouquet of purple and pink roses.  They were the most stunning color!  The note explained that he just sent them to let me know he was thinking of me and to give me a smile to get through the rest of the school year.  He is so thoughtful and loving... and the flowers smell and look amazing!

That night Tim and I also received a package in the mail.  Last Christmas his parents bought us garden rocks with our names on them and one for our puppy Sherlock.  The new package contained a new small rock with the word "hope."  She explained that it was to represent the future Baby Deets in our rock garden family.

I don't know why I am so blessed because I don't deserve all these wonderful people in my life but I certainly wouldn't trade them for anything else.  I thank God every day for the love and joy that I experience and see.  Thank you to everyone!

"Mother's" Day

Mother's Day surprised me this year.  I didn't think it would affect me at all but it did.  I became irritated and sad whenever I went into a store and saw all the Mother's Day stuff, as if it was taunting me and saying "haha, you're not a mom."  I was really put down but I bounced back quickly, and here's why...

What was really sweet was that on Mother's Day was I woke up to a text from my dear friend Laura wishing ME a Happy Mother's Day and said how Baby Deets was lucky to have me for a mommy.  Later I also received a return text with a very similar sentiment.  I know that I don't physically have a baby and I am not technically a mom yet but in my heart I am a mom.  I am a mother to the unborn baby that is developing and being loved in my heart everyday.

What was also sweet was to come home from my trip to see the Mother's Day flower my husband picked up for me from church that morning.  At my church they recognize every woman on Mother's Day which is wonderful by itself, but what was even more wonderful was that my husband thought to bring one home for me even though I wasn't there.  

 

Even though Baby Deets is still a thought, a prayer, and a wish, it was so nice to hear sweet words and sentiments and to be recognized as a mother-in-waiting.   I can't wait till the day that I will honestly be the mother for Mother's Day but for now, I will hold and cherish this Mother's Day in my heart.

Month Three

It has officially been three months of waiting.  This has been a tough month.  We haven't had too much news on the adoption front but medically it was draining.  A few weeks ago I got shingles, which is very painful.  Although I didn't get a horrible case of it, and I caught it early, I got to share the experience with ringworm as well.  Sigh.  What a month.

This month was also rough emotionally.  Although I try really hard to be happy for my friends who are pregnant or have babies, there are times where my heart cries.  I am not proud of my jealousy and I try hard to ignore it and move past it but it is hard.  I truly am happy and excited to others when they are blessed with such an amazing gift, and I know that our time will come and that we have to wait for God's will, it can just be emotionally tough at times.